For years, the public has assumed chickens spend most of their time pecking at the ground, chasing bugs, and making questionable life decisions.
Recent field research tells a different story.
According to completely unverified data collected by the Just a Chicken Institute of Extremely Dubious Studies, the average chicken is currently working on at least three unfinished novels and one screenplay.
Researchers discovered stacks of manuscripts hidden throughout coops worldwide. Common titles included:
- Feathers of Fury
- The Cluckening
- Barnstorm of the Soul
- Coop Dreams
Unfortunately, very few projects ever reach completion.
Experts believe chickens suffer from a condition known as Chronic Plot Expansion Syndrome, or CPES. The disorder causes a chicken to begin writing an exciting story, only to abandon it halfway through after becoming distracted by snacks, shiny objects, or a completely different story idea.
One rooster interviewed for this study insisted he was “only a few edits away” from finishing his screenplay.
Further investigation revealed the screenplay was currently on Draft 8 and consisted mostly of notes reading:
- Add more drama
- Bigger explosion
- Better ending
- Maybe involve a goat
Researchers also found evidence that chickens are remarkably optimistic about future productivity.
When asked when they expected to finish their projects, most chickens answered:
“Soon.”
Records show they have been giving the same answer for several years.
Despite these setbacks, the chicken literary community remains active. Many birds continue gathering around water troughs to discuss story structure, character development, and whether a protagonist should really wake up from a dream in Chapter One.
While publication rates remain low, enthusiasm remains exceptionally high.
And perhaps that’s what matters.
After all, every great novel starts with a blank page.
And every chicken starts with three of them.
Field Research Notes
Observation #2:
A chicken will spend six months outlining a novel, then immediately abandon the project after thinking of a better title.
Chicken Fact Rating
Scientific Accuracy: 0%
Chicken Accuracy: 100%
Peer Reviewed: By several very opinionated roosters